When T and I first got the children they lacked “stranger anxiety.” Not only did this freak me out a bit, it also made me sad. We had waited so long for children, and ours would have been perfectly happy to go off with someone, other than us, forever. I remember taking them to the play ground watching them go up to strangers, asking to be picked up, and being perfectly content in a strangers arms for…. what seemed like forever to me. I know many children like being picked up; this was much more than that. It was constant. Always.
And, it hurt.
It makes sense now, especially as I learn more about their pasts.
Lately I’ve noticed that they are truly bonding with us and us with them.
K2 fell yesterday and started to cry, a very close friend of the family was right there, bending over with an “are you OK???????” and K2 blew by her, running to me, reaching for me to pick him up.
He wanted me when he was hurt.
M has started hiding behind my leg “playing shy” when she meets somebody new.
J is less likely to grab a stranger’s hand or climb up in their lap… something he did pretty much constantly for the first few months.
Today I took the twins for their second H1N1 shot (let’s not debate this, it’s done, and they’ve had no side effects).
OK – let me be a bit more detailed. I actually took them TWICE because when I went this morning, they were “closed for training."
Add to that, I couldn’t take the stroller because there is unmanaged snow every.where.
Anywaaaayyyyyy….
I went to the hospital twice. Solo. Stroller less. You’re all very impressed with me, right?
OK then.
So, we do the twins one at a time. Vaccination to the leg.
K2 screamed. Like cover your ears holy cow is it possible to yell that loud and not start bursting eardrums near by loud. He was crying and screaming and crying and instantly, as soon as I saw his tears, my eyes filled.
Instantly. As if we were connected.
As if we had become fully bonded.
Anybody who has any thoughts that there may be less of a bond when there is no blood relation, let me erase them.
Have no doubt.
The bond is the same.
xo
K.
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3 comments:
i feel ya with this one.
someone made a comment once, something like oh they'll just go to anyone ... in reference to the twins, and it broke my heart.
not everyone will take the thought to the next level - because they had to ... if they wanted to be held.
and here we all are, six months later ... and now they know who mama and daddy are.
sigh.
Thank you for this post. Another blogger led me here because there's recently been debate on my little blog about any differences in bonding with or without pregnancy. I'm so glad to hear your side too :)
You're such a good mom.
(We did h1n1 too. Because the pedi said we basically couldn't afford not to. Full stop.)
xo
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