This morning was J's last swim lesson. I walked him down, twins in tow in the stroller.
Shortly after the lesson started it got very dark and droplets starting falling from the sky.
Within a few minutes the skies opened up and sheets of rain came down.
Our home is about a ten minute walk from the pool.
It felt like 30 minutes.
I had J tightly grasped in one hand, while I pushed the stroller with the other. Each time we crossed a street, we were trudging through rushing water, high above our ankles.
We got wetter than we would have, had we all taken baths.
We arrived home and each of us quickly changed into dry clothes.
Monsoons. Funny. That's kind of like my life these days.
Blinding, saturating, freakish, and sudden, storms.
We spoke with our birthmother today.
I don't even know where to begin.
Or if I should begin.
Because so much has happened over the last 16 months, I wouldn't even know where to start.
Today's call was so upsetting, so disturbing, and so unsettling, that I immediately emailed our attorney as soon as I hung up from the call.
I believe I closed with "We really - really - really - need to settle soon."
Once I processed things a bit more..... (I can't say once I got over it or once I recovered from it, because that hasn't occurred)... I thought...
Huh.
I wonder if this was allowed to happen so that we don't have to be in relationship with her.
Or -
If we DO have to be in relationship with her (or the Dad, Grandmother, mailman, milkman, Aunt Agnes, the neighbors dog, etc.) BOUNDARIES will be set up - BEFORE the agreement, so that once the agreement is broken by any of them (and it will be) we don't have to abide by it anymore.
I have been tied up in knots all day.
Just wanting to cry.
Hard.
But.
I can't. I can't cry hard enough.....
It's actually really difficult for me to just release and CRY things out.
And I really need to cry right now.
I want to cry like today's rain.
P.S. The reason we went private is because our birthmother found me on facebook. It freaked me out. I blocked her, and we made this private.
xo
K.
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5 comments:
Thanks for giving me an invite, you are often in my prayers.
I will look forward to hearing about this...eloquent or insane , incoherent ranting... when you are ready. The rain comes when the rain comes. All things in his time. xxxxx
Thank you so much for the invite. We are praying for you and we prayed for you in our Small Group at church on Weds. night.
Ginny
Ps 68:5 - 9 "A father of the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in His holy habitation. God sets the solitary in families; He brings out those who are bound into prosperity; but the rebellious dwell in a dry land. O God, when You went out before Your people, when You marched through the wilderness, the earth shook; the heavens also dropped rain at the presence of God: Sinai itself was moved at the presence of God, the God of Israel. You, O God, sent a plentiful rain, whereby You confirmed Your inheritance, when it was weary."
You guys know the trouble we were going through when you left for Korea. Can't go into it all here, BUT you need to know that God did miraculous things & is still doing them today. Kristin, you & your kids were poured on yesterday as a reminder that you live in the presence of God & He confirmed His inheritance to you, part of which is kids who need fathers, kids who need families! Wayne & I are standing with you. Can't wait till we can share these stories of victory together! holding your arms up & praying for you!!! rachel
July 3, 2010 11:40 PM
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