hope

There is so much that "hope" means.

It's more than just hoping things go our way.

It's hope in the future.

It's hope in the present.

It's hope that all is not lost, that everything will mean something.

Something good.

I am clinging to hope these days.

I have felt a shift in myself. I know that the Lord's been working on me. I feel myself opening up to Him, allowing him to move.

I have to tell you that it's an incredible feeling.

This morning I danced in the kitchen with my daughter. I felt a need to pray for her right then and there, for her future, for God's hand to be on her - always.

I have a hope in today.

That today means something.

That today is what I have.

This moment, is what I have.

I have a hope that these seven months (seven months TODAY) will last in M and K2's lives.

That something has been planted.

I have a hope that these seven months mean something. That they have been critical.

That without them, something would have been lost.

As I write this post, I can't stop the tears.

I cannot imagine the heart ache that I will feel if we have to give the twins back. I literally CANNOT let my mind go there, yet, in the midst of that, I know that there is hope in HIM who is bigger than all of this, all of us.

We all have a choice.

Every moment we have a choice.

We can believe and hope and trust, and "let go."

Or we can try to control and manage and do things on our own, only to be devastated when things don't go our way.

The way we hoped they would go.

We all have a choice.

I am choosing to hold on to the hope I have in Him.

I know if I don't choose this I won't be able to move forward.

And by "move forward" I mean, literally, move forward, step by step, day by day, moment by moment.

I know no matter how all of this ends, God will use it.

I remember feeling this way when my Mom was terminally ill. I knew God would use every facet of that.

He did. In fact, He's used it again and again.

He'll use this.

And. He'll use it for good.

Because I love Him.

xo
K.