ceilings

and floors.....

I'm not sure which I hit today, but, I hit one of them.

Every now and then everything in me bubbles over and I feel incapacitated.

Like I just can't take one. more. minute. of this.

We spoke with our birth mother today. And by "we" I mean T, because a month or so ago I realized that I just couldn't talk with her anymore.

As I waited a long time to discuss all of "this" on the blog .... I also have waited to discuss anything regarding our birth mother.

And now?

Well, there is just so much TO discuss, that I'm going to write a book.

(I'm serious).

Well, the book isn't going to be JUST about her, but, let me tell you something, because of her, there will be a lot of laughs and gasps for the reader.

Anyway.... back to the conversation T had with our birth mother this morning....

She actually said to T that she had been wanting to ask the CA attorney a question for some time..... and that question is, if her "medical condition changes" could she "get the children back?"

T replied flatly, "You're serious."

Not a question.

A statement.

To which she replied "yes."

Oh, but, she apologized if that was upsetting to him in any way.

Um.

Hi.

Really?

We have had the children for SEVEN MONTHS!

So now my mind is totally in overdrive..... I am thinking so much that I don't even know what year it is. (I'm not joking, the other day I was writing a check out for J's school pictures and I had to look at the calendar, I thought we were in the year 2010, but,I wasn't sure).......

Now I'm thinking..... IF we lose the twins, because as much as I try NOT to let my mind go there, it still does sometimes..... so.. I actually wondered .... should we try to help K3's Mom's case so that SHE gets the twins instead of our birth mother?

Does that sound crazy?

Maybe I'm crazy.

How does someone who is terminally ill VERY CASUALLY mention that her medical condition changed? Isn't it more of a miracle, shouting from the mountain tops kind of thing? Not a hey.... I was wondering.... if my medical condition were to change, do you think that yaddah, yaddah, yaddah.......

Anyway......

It was a rough day.

But.

I have an awesome God.

And.

An awesome husband.

Both of who made sure I survived this day.

I went from being nauseous and panicky, with my heart pounding to feeling grounded again as I write this post, with Manna's worship team singing in the background.

"....no weapon forged against you will prevail, and you will refute every tongue that accuses you. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, and this is their vindication from me," declares the Lord." - Isaiah 54:17

xo
K.