which way will she go

Tonight as my daughter tantrumed I wondered this.

Will she choose light and life or will she choose darkness?

I can parent how I parent...

God will stand there with a mighty hand and an outstretched arm, but..... Will she grab hold of it?

I found myself crying, holding the face of my eight year old son, thanking him for choosing us... For choosing the right path......

Tears streaming down my face I told him how proud I was of him...

How brave he is...

How much we love him...

(not too long ago I was posting about our son..... and my fears regarding him)...

It's almost funny that this SAME son took this opportunity (about ten minutes after my tears) to lie to my face thinking I'd believe him over my daughter because he was .... in my good graces(?)..... I called him on it. He knew he had been busted.

She is so angry.

How do I break through anger? Betrayal? Fear?

I mean goodness, The Lord tries to break through the same things in ME and I hide behind my walls shaking in my own anxieties...

Today I just found myself wondering ...

What if? ....

Over and over...

What if she doesn't choose Him?

Us?

Light?

Life?

What if the anger consumes her?

What if I can't break through it?

Each night as I tuck her in..... singing "You are My Sunshine".... praying over her - outloud - for healing ...... I find myself thinking that tomorrow will be different.... better..... tomorrow she will break......

Maybe tomorrow....

xo
K.