It's almost a relief

So, there are things that most adoptive Moms are fairly certain they will hear..... I got it today.

Or at least a variation of it.

Truthfully? It's almost a relief.

It is clear that my daughter is FEELING what she is feeling, so she may as well get it out there in the open.

She did today.

A lot.

This afternoon.

Tonight.

Over and over.

At the top of her lungs.

I don't love you. I don't want you for a Mother. I want a different Mother.

Now.

I am sure that some of you have heard these very words.

I'd like to say something about that.

I have to, HAVE TO, believe that it's different for an adoptive Mom to hear those words.

You see...... We aren't the original Mom. So when your daughter tells you this..... You feel hurt, pain, and sympathy..... all at once..... What she speaks is truth..... She wants her "real" Mommy.... She wishes her real Mom didn't give her up..... And maybe it's not that clear in her mind, but, she knows something is not right. She knows this isn't how life is supposed to work.

She knows she was given away.

By her Mother.

That isn't supposed to happen.

Moms don't give their kids away.

She is angry.

Sad.

Scared......

And she is going to hit the best target,

The replacement Mommy...

over and over and over again...

I've had two people tell me this week that they see my daughter on the other side of this.....

They see her succeeding.....

They see the two of us, close.

I am clinging to that. I can withstand all of this if that reward is waiting at the end of this road.

These people have known my daughter since the day we brought her home at only eighteen months old...... They know me as well.

Is that what waits for me?

A daughter who loves me? Who I love?

Coffee and a conversation..... graduations..... marriage..... grandbabies......

Wouldn't that be something?

Right now my prayer is for the moment because I cannot see beyond today. This hour. This minute. Right now my prayer is simply that I do this right. That I am patient. That I see my daughter's pain and hurt, and NOT my pain and hurt....

xo
K.