did i say last week

(the court house).

OK. Make that THIS week. According to our attorney. "No matter what" he is going to the court house this week, with all our paperwork.

I haven't asked him how quickly this will happen. I wonder if the court will be like ..... (STAMP) "OK. It's final. Have a nice day."

We received an email when we finalized with J.

That's almost funny.

I wonder if we'll get an email for the twins.

After these past (almost) two years, can you see me checking email and being like .....

Oh.

It's over.

We've adopted.

Well, whaddayah know.... (drinking my coffee)

Anyway..... We'll see. I plan on calling the attorney's office on Friday some time to see where we're at.

T has been working from about 6AM - 8:30 PM last week and this for an "exercise" that will prepare him for his deployment. I'm looking at it as training for both of us. T's been gone (right) before the kids get up, and when he gets home they are all in deep slumber.

It reminds me that I can do this. This is a little "dry run" as they say.

The part that I'm not training for yet is the whole not having T beside me in bed at night.

Typically - as deployments approach I get a numb feeling. It's as if a (HUGE) clock is (LOUDLY) ticking at all times.

Counting down the minutes.

Quickly.

Thoughts flood my mind, like ..... this time next month, he'll have left......... Next pay period..... The next time I pay this bill..... That event.... That holiday...... That school vacation.... When that movie comes out ...... (it's endless really - ask any military spouse).

This is the first time I have ever felt calm during this period.

I'm not sure if I'm in denial - or if it's peace that surpasses understanding.

I'm hoping for the latter, then it'll stick around and I'm not about to head into some sort of breakdown.

The truth is we CAN do this. Of course we can.

We can more than do this.

I just can't get ahead of myself. God isn't THERE. He's HERE. In THIS moment.

I do a lot of talking to myself (in my head - I'm not crazy you know).....

Reminding myself that I have a very powerful God. That I can do ALL things through Him.

It's just remembering to ALLOW Him to work in me. I tend to be a bit controlling.... and prideful...... and forgetful of important facts.... Like the whole trusting God and giving my anxieties to Him... Yeah - that stuff.

I read something very helpful the other day. It offered this advice. When you start to worry, consider that an "alarm" to pray. When you worry - just pray. Use worry as simply a REMINDER.... Oh. RIght. Yes. I'm going to pray now.

And flush worry.

Who of us can add a single hour to our lives by worrying (no I did not make that up myself!!!) :)

xo
K.