wounded

convicted,

exhausted.

When I wrote to our attorney explaining how we had literally run out of resources, I also explained that we would do everything we could, to pay her in full, as quickly as we could.

Her response shocked me. I was sobbing as I read it. I couldn't believe she wasn't more understanding.

Then I felt convicted of all of that.

Why should she go without being paid? Or rather, WAIT to be paid?

I'm sure most of the couples she deals with are desperate, broke, and sad, adoptive couples.

Just like us.

She wouldn't be a smart business person if she let all of us pay whenever we could afford it.

She's right. She shouldn't have to carry this. We should.

I'm trying not to have the "why us" attitude.....

I'm trying not to be angry at the ridiculous system this country of ours has in place for adoption.

I'm getting there.

I'm so tired today.

That kind of tired you get when you've sobbed your head off the night before.

Heavy hearted as I wonder when all of this will be over.

I was crying as I tucked the kids in bed last night.... Wondering if we'll ever share with them all of this......

If we'll even remember this pain TO share it with them....

I try to think of that expression "Will any of this matter five years from now?" in the hopes that NO... maybe five years from now this will all be a faded memory......

I know many of you have taken off putting this blog link on your facebook status, and we are so thankful for that. I'm sure we've lost some readers from when we went private..... Maybe those readers will check back in to see if they can access us again....

Keep spreading the word...

Thank you to each of you,

Always,
xo
K.