mind wanderings

T and I are in count down mode as we prepare to pack our bags and head back to the states.

In the midst of this chaos, there are still day to day things that must occur. There is work (for T), swim lessons (for J), play dates (for the twins), and goodbyes (for my friends and me).

On the to do list is developing photos and putting them into albums before the movers come. (This started off as printing off a couple of prints for gifts, and oh.... while we're at it.... we should print some out for us.... wait, I have two empty albums.... we should fill those....... well.... over three hundred photos later....... you can see how this snowballed....)

Anyway.....

I looked over photos of the children that spanned the last sixteen months.

Initially I was just amazed at how much the children have changed.

They look happy to me. I can actually see their spirits....

Then I looked at how cute the twins were in their diapers..... It makes me almost miss those days (almost).

The photos from Christmas were almost painful for me to look at.

I remember putting the tree up... Sitting there. The tree lit. My heart aching as I grieved what I felt was the inevitable (the loss of the twins)..... Thinking nothing - NOTHING - could make me feel better. Wondering how on earth I was going to survive.

Those days were so dark.

I said to T one night that "nothing (he) could say could make anything better" and I watched as T, helpless, walked out of the room.

I sat there crying, staring off into space.

The one thing I noticed through the hundreds of photos was,

the children looked happier,

and happier.....

They survived and even thrived even in the midst of the turmoil.

I am forever thankful for that.

Our trial date is not far off.

I am praying daily, that it doesn't come to that.

That hearts change and that people see T and me for who we are.

Family.

Family that is willing to reach out, across invisible lines.

Family that will love,

and try,

no matter what.

God can heal anything.

He can accomplish anything.

He has so much more for us than we can even imagine.

He will make all of "this" good.

My new friend L sent this verse to me recently:

1 Peter 4:12-13

"Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed."

I love this. I love that I am participating. That the Lord is using me in something so much bigger than me.

Since this post is so all over the place I guess I may as well keep on chatting.....

The twins are officially CRIB - LESS!!!!

I figured (as with potty training) that now is as good a time as any..... This way - hopefully - the twins will be happy, content, and STILL when we get to the states and they sleep in beds here, there and everywhere as we make our way to our new home.

They are THRILLED to be in a bed.

It's a single mattress (thanks M!) and I've placed one twin at each end. We've had a few tugs of war with the sheet, but, other than that, they are doing very well.

J is back in swim lessons and I keep reminding him that he will be swimming with his Cousins soon.

Soon.

I have loved our time here - so - much.

I have developed friendships that I hope will last the rest of my days.

I am also ready.

Ready for resolution.

Ready for some long awaited hugs. (And I'm not even a hugger).

xo
K.