when

I try not to live in the when will this be over frame of mind.

I'm not very successful.

While I'm not as anxious as I was, I'm still not entirely living in the moment.

SOME moments.

Not all.

We've had some beautiful moments recently.

The twins are growing and talking and developing and running and playing.

They are hugging and kissing and loving and cuddling.

They are so funny and so engaging.

I love (and appreciate) all of this.

J is SO becoming OUR son... really and truly....

We all seem to be clicking and bonding and attaching.

Then there are the dark clouds.... that hang above us.

The voice mails from our birth mother.

Bills continuing to flow in from all of these proceedings.

Emails back and forth between our attorney and us.

Our birth mother and us.

The twins attorneys and us.

Many mornings I wake up wondering (as a first thought) what is waiting for us in the inbox.

I long for just a regular chaotic morning.

Not a chaotic morning sprinkled with all of this other stuff.

I don't seem to be moving past the wondering of:

when.

xo
K.