flag draped coffins. my opinion, as a military wife

"We should not presume to make the decision for the families — we should actually let them make it," Gates said at a Pentagon news conference.

"We’ve seen so many families go through so much," added Adm. Mike Mullen, chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. He said the goal is to meet family needs in the most dignified way possible.

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This ban was put in place in 1991... So, it's been in place through the administrations of Bush senior, Clinton and GW Bush. Truthfully, I never really even knew it exsisted until I heard the buzz that Bush was trying to hide the true cost of the war. I see two sides of a coin regarding this. I see the side of citizens worried that the government might be trying to hide something, I also see the side of citizens using it for their "cause", whatever that might be...

What I do not see is the only side here. These coffins - hold lives lost. They hold husbands and wives, sons and daughters, fathers and mothers.

I don't think there SHOULD be a ban. I don't think there SHOULD NOT be a ban. I think that if my husband were to die in the line of duty, people better back. right. off. I may not want photographs being taken. I may not want a mike in my face asking me how I feel and if I blame anyone for the loss of my husband. I certainly would not want anyone's opinion on the war.

I have stopped watching the news while T is deployed. I have heard too many stories of people finding out that their spouse was KIA because they saw it on the news. Oh, no, right, they don't say names.... They are waiting until notifications have been made. Except that we know where our spouses are assigned, we know what units they are in, we know if they are traveling that day.... So, when the news rushes to be the first to report and talks about a helicopter that went down or an IED that went off... We are actually wondering if it was our spouse who's name they are not saying.

I had a friend who knew her husband had died TEN DAYS before she was notified b/c she saw it on the news.

Then.

He didn't call.

So.

She knew.

But, she had to wait to actually be notified by the military. Then she accepted the offer from the Patriot Riders to escort her husband and her family to the service. This, to hopefully keep protestors away from the funeral.

Protestors. Away from the funeral.

T wears a bracelet honoring one of his soldiers who lost his life in Afghanistan. This young man's funeral was in California. The procession was blocked as they went to enter the cemetery. It was blocked by anti-war protestors. The only reason they made it through was b/c they too, were also escorted by the Patriot Riders.

Protestors. AT a funeral.

Nobody should be capitalizing on the sacrifice of these soldliers for their own political agenda. Whether someone is in support of the war, or against it.

The thing is - if T ever lost his life while he was on active duty - nobody has a "right" to be a part of his loss. He is my husband. He wouldn't be just a "flag draped coffin"...

I think both sides are loosing sight of this. They can claim to be giving the families privacy saying that's why they don't want the coffins shown. They can claim to be wanting to honor the soldier by spreading the photographs all over the media. The problem? It's not for "them" to decide.

Just like any other loss of a loved one. The general public has no say. The government has no say. The families have the say.

To discuss all of this so GENERALLY defeats "the purpose" both sides are claiming to have.

xo
K.