Exhale

Inhale... So..... T was gone for eleven months. Home a month. Gone for ten days. Home for three weeks. Gone for three weeks. Home. I finally feel like I can exhale.... That the deployment is NOW over...... I've been pacing myself for THIS day..... versus the end of the eleven months. During the last month or so we tried a deeper level of therapy for J..... and it's working. Our little boy is trying really hard to open his heart just a little bit to let OUR love penetrate. I feel like I had a set back a few weeks ago when I opened up a bit about J's symptoms..... I felt sure of myself when I posted what I posted. Then I regretted being that vulnerable..... Now. Well, now I feel like I'm back to myself. I'm going to stand by what I posted. And. I'm going to stand by deleting it. I have learned in the past few weeks that sometimes when you're sure of something, it can be a lonely walk...... I've also learned that you still need to walk it. Sometimes the results are only apparent to you and The Lord. And that's OK. I have learned that everyone doesn't need to agree with me. I don't need to convince anybody that what I'm doing is the right thing.... That really, I just need to be in line with what I think the Holy Spirit is prompting me to do. I have a few characteristics in me that I've always looked at as negative things.... One of them is stubborness..... OK. Well, I also believe that The Lord KNOWS me, and he is using my characteristics for a purpose..... Like my stubborness. Come hell or high water I'm going to do what I'm going to do. Sometimes? That's a good thing. The past few weeks I've felt like I'm swimming against the current. Justifying my decisions. Hoping for acceptance. Then something happened. I went to the salon on my birthday. And I got two hair extensions. One green. One orange. And I realized something. My "self" has returned. The part of me that I trusted. The part of me that has gotten lost along the way. The part of me that I NEED. The part of me The Lord created to do this job I'm doing. So now. Now I will inhale. As we start the process of moving overseas. xo K.