feeling led

Today we went on a whale watch. The whole family. On Cape Cod. It was wonderful. Freezing. But. Wonderful. We saw 25-30 whales. On the way back into the harbor, T went to the back of the boat with J because he needed to puke. (J needed to puke that is). I stayed in the front of the boat with the twins. I should back track here...... When buying our tickets, I thanked the woman at the counter, telling her that we appreciate the military discount. She thanked us for our service, and I let her know that I was not the service member but, that my husband just came home from eleven months in Afghanistan so .... thank you..... Again she thanked us. I thought that was so nice....... I told T..... and that was that...... So. Back to the boat. I was huddled against the wind, with the twins beside me... A woman came up to me. Said she heard me saying that my husband had been in Afghanistan. She told me that she felt led to do "this" and put something in my hand. A One Hundred Dollar Bill. I burst into tears. Stood up. Tried to hand it back. Hugged her. Cried some more. Thanked her some more. And just like that. She was gone. The boat was crowded. I didn't see her again. I wanted to. To thank her again. To have her meet T..... Pretty amazing moment. As we were walking off the boat, I received a text from my friend R. We are both in touch with birthmoms...... Somehow these woman have direct lines into our souls..... This particular birthmom recently (like days) had her sixth baby. She has placed the previous five with other mommies. She had decided to keep this one. She named him and everything. Texted R a picture..... Happy smiling mommy.... beautiful, perfect, baby boy. Perfect because even if we are flawed..... God created us.... and He makes no mistakes...... We are all perfect to Him. Beautiful baby boy has down syndrome. Beautiful baby boy was placed for adoption last night. I am sad. mad. sad.... sad...... And I don't even have a direct relationship with this woman. Or this baby. But I have a heart connection and a relationship with R.... and SHE has a direct relationship with this woman..... And somehow we are connected to these babies..... So tonight. I cling to image of a new Mum and Dad loving this baby boy completely. Wholly. Forever. I chose to leave the other feelings aside. xo K.