but still managing to be in a fog.
We are in full count down mode for T's deployment. I feel myself starting to fray a bit as I forget things.... (like my cell phone).... and I'm running behind in the mornings..... not quite getting everything accomplished......
I'm entering the period military spouses with looming deployments know so well..... That period where you are simply holding back tears constantly.
T is going to be in a safe location. He does travel however. The bottom line is - I feel that T is safer when he is home. When I can physically touch him and see him. When he is across the globe - how do I KNOW he is OK?
We have lost friends and peers who were in "safe locations."
Age doesn't matter.
Rank doesn't matter.
Young, single men.
Happily married men. With children.
All it takes is one bad flight.
One convoy gone wrong.
One moment.
The truth is - you don't even need to be in a fire fight.
You just need to be THERE.
So - even if I'm able to convince myself that STATISTICALLY SPEAKING ... and this is coming from T himself.... he is probably SAFER over there then he is here...... Statistically speaking - more folks are getting killed in traffic accidents over here. (When T told me this, I laughed and asked him if he would be more worried about me then?)
There is still the issue of T being my very best friend. I love him. The thought of being without him for a year is more (literally) than I can bear right now.
T and I met and were married eight months later.
I knew he was perfect back in 1998 - and he's only proven me to be correct, over and over again.
T talks me back from the ledge.
He steadies me.
He laughs at my jokes.
He thinks I'm always being "perfectly reasonable" no matter what I'm pitching a fit about.
He loves me more than anybody else.
He makes me feel safe.
It is because of these things that I don't know how to live without T for a year.
He IS my better half....... So it stands to reason that I will be living with a lot of missing pieces for the year. (Some of you are laughing because you know that I'm already missing a few nuts and bolts).
Many of you are the praying type. So feel free to lift us up during this stressful period.
In adoption news. I emailed our social worker to see if the court has contacted her for her reports on us. They have not. Apparently the court has - you guessed it - 30 DAYS- to contact her. Then she'll send the reports, then our attorney will send in the rest of his stuff.... then it will get processed.......
I've just accepted the fact that we are on a slow moving train. T and I will have to celebrate over Skype.
xo
K.
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6 comments:
I am not a military wife.
But I have an idea what you're going through. Only an idea, mind you.
I will pray for you; all of you.
Big, big hugs from up chonder - and remember, you can always call me and I will try to talk you down from the ledge. Or maybe I'll come sit up on it with you. Either way - I'm here for you.
xxxooo
K
I cannot (CANNOT) imagine. But what I can imagine is what you went through to get your children. So for that I know that you are tremendously strong. And you can't do this. You're right. But God can. And He will. And I will be praying for you!
Seriously. I cannot imagine.
You are strong and will do great....but deployments still stink!!! You and your family will be in my prayers! xoxox
Honey, if you ever need to talk please know I am here for you. I would feel the same way if my hubby, who is also my best friend, ever had to leave for such a long time to such a location.
I am praying for you to be strong and you CAN do this.
HUGS!
I can't imagine what you are going through, but I do know the feeling of emptiness and dispair and holding back tears.
I will pray for you, and I know you will get through this because you are strong.
The kids will of course keep you busy, but on those down times, things will be difficult. Thank God for the technology of today! You will be able to see T and he will be able to see the kids. It isn't the same as being with them everyday, but it still will be wonderful.
You can do this.
Julie
Thinking of you ... and all of the mixed emotions that you are having, and will have.
I can't write anything here that will help, but I can promise to be just a short drive away from a hug soon - just in time!
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