are you my mother

Yesterday, while driving in the car with the kids, the conversation turned to skin color.

Then? To birthfathers.

Our youngest was trying to explain why he and his twin Sister need lotion after bath. We've talked about this.... How skin can get ashy looking..... The youngest pointed to the oldest's "peach" skin and was trying to explain that it looked whiter because he didn't have lotion on.

Our oldest tried to clarify things.

Our oldest explained that their birthmother "T" USED to be more peach, when she had him, but that, by the time she had the twins, she had turned more brown. That is why they are different colors.

It made sense to me that he thought this...... Three years ago when we had our one and only visit with her, the first comment our oldest made in the car ride home was "I remember her being more peach."

Anyway......

I did my best to "simply" explain that the man that got T pregnant with our oldest was a different man than the one that got her pregnant with the twins. That even though we refer to her as their first Mom, the reason I wasn't saying "Dad" for either of these men is because to my knowledge, neither one of them WAS a Dad to them. Whereas T WAS their Mom for a while.

Something really big occured to me. Here I was wondering why our son has never inquired as to who his birthfather is...... It's simple. He didn't know it took a man to get a woman pregnant. He knows people get married. But. He doesn't know about THAT stuff. In a regular family it's sort of assumed that you have a mommy plus a daddy and that equals kids. Pretty much always, right? This is how kids think. I remember one of my Neices asking if I was married (years ago) and I was like 'yes, of course, you've met him.' Her reply was "How can you be married? You don't have kids?"

Anyway......

The twins' Dad is known. He was in their lives for a brief time, and we have pictures of him. Our oldest totally remembers him. My husband and I actually met him in person, at the trial. Our oldest son? We have a name and a state. We could find him. I google him occassionally.

Things started clicking together last night...

Mom?

Yes?

In our album...... there is a picture of a man holding me when I was a baby.....

Yes...... I've seen it. I asked (T) about it..... she told me that's not him.....
I promise that I will tell you all I know, but, it's not much....

Can I look through the papers, look at what you have about him?

The papers are all about the adoption. They are not about him.... I only know his name, and that he is from Massachusetts.

What is his name?

(enter here)

OH....

I always knew that some day he would realize that there was more than one person who "gave him up" ........

I kind of hate that.

xo
K.