grief

Today, as a nation, we mourn, for lives lost.

Twenty young lives, six older.

Many people said they were holding their children tight, close, looking at life with a new perspective. I get that. I respect it. I understand it.

That's not where I was though.....

I was stuck in this deep, dark, gut aching place..... I did not imagine any "what ifs"....... I was stuck wondering about the teachers, the principal.... were they Moms? Dads?

What about the child who's Mom was not coming home that day?

In an instant.

Just like that.

No warning.

The children. Their fear. The heartache of the parents hearing the news.

Christmas. The gifts that were purchased already.... The concerts planned for next week.......

The shock.

The emptiness.

I came back (mentally) to paperwork I had once filled out during a pre deployment prep..... Who would I want to notify me if my husband were KIA? I filled out that I did not want it to be anybody I knew. I knew that if it were I would be totally aware that the person notifying me would be holding their spouse that much closer that night when they got home..... so thankful that it wasn't them......

That's all I could think of today...... These parents? They know the WORLD is holding their children closer tonight..... the WORLD is thankful that for today, they were spared the horror......

So I hold these parents, the families, the teacher's families..... the family of the principal..... the brother of the shooter..... everyone effected..... I hold them in my heart, full of prayers, full of grief and heart ache.

I hold back blame.... If only it were that easy. It's not. It's not time to get on our soap boxes.... it's time to take a look at how we are living. It's time to look at ourselves, not others. It's time that we change as individuals, and stop pointing our fingers at other people.

How can WE change to make a difference? Let's start there.

xo
K.