fourty four weeks

Well. We are certainly "getting there"...

And by "getting there" I mean a couple of things.

I mean we are getting closer to T's return.

And.

We are becoming a family. The kids and us that is.

I have not talked much about the issues we've faced through the adoptions. At some point I may talk more about the truth that comes with adoption. So many people talk about the beauty of adoption. And. Yeah. It's beautiful. But. It's also horribly ugly.... and sad ..... and frustrating ......

For the past (almost) three years I've struggled in my role as Mother.

While most Mom's will say it's the most difficult job in the world.... they will also add that it's the most rewarding.

I've had the first - without the latter - this entire time.

You see, our kids have all been diagnosed "attachement disordered" which means that ..... they never properly attached, ever ..... which means that they did not "love" ..... you can't love without attachment.

Without love you don't have remorse.

Without remorse - you don't ...... care.

So all those little beautiful moments Moms have that get them through the horror of it all.....

I've gone without.

Until recently.

Thanks to God, prayers, time, and therapy ...... our kids are starting to attach.

To love.

To .... care.

And with that comes joy. True, deep, I LOVE YOU SO VERY MUCH, JOY..... in being a Mother.......

So when I say we are getting there ......

We really are.

We are having moments.

We are having joy.

We are becoming a normal family..... with the bad and the ugly ...... but now?

With the good.

xo
K.