a simple reminder

I heard the familiar knock of fear at the door, again… 

Our oldest son is in a temporary situation “biding time” as we wait for everything we need, to move him into a(nother) more permanent one. 

On the one hand I cannot believe the love, devotion and commitment of the couple, who’s care he has been in for just over six years. On the other… I cannot believe the financial resources we continue to pour into this child, who it seems… just doesn’t care. This entire school year is lost, which means that when we do get him settled in this new arrangement, he will be behind in his high school education, which will need to be made up, which will cost us more, because now he is not on track to finish on time. 

I felt myself falling into the trap of bitterness, resentment and anger, all too familiar, once again. 

I hit send on my text, hopped in the shower, and finished getting ready for church (what the enemy intended for evil, God used for good). 

We started singing a very familiar song… 

Lead me in your love to those around me…

I will build my life upon your love, it is a firm foundation. 

And I thought the simplest of thoughts… 

What if I approached all of this the way God approaches me? In Love. 

And I know. As a Christian, that’s actually how I’m supposed to approach everything. 

What if, instead of being angry at a child’s refusal to just trust me, I just… loved him through it? 

What if, instead of wanting to give up at a child’s refusal to be obedient, I just … loved him through it? 

What if I didn’t look at the lack of earthly success? Or lack of gratitude? Or lack of understanding the depth of our love and commitment to his success? 

It shouldn’t be a surprise to me that the parallels are ridiculous. I look back on my life and see the similarities. And I wonder if I could at least attempt to give this child, who truly just doesn’t know better, no matter how much we explain it to him, loving kindness, patience, forgiveness, and love. 

Without condition. 

God has done this, and so much more, for me. 

Am I willing to let God do that through me? (quite clearly it is not something that comes naturally to me, so it would need to happen supernaturally). 

Am I willing to remind myself daily, God’s faithfulness through all of this? 

Will I remember to just trust Him, and let Him love me through it? 

Am I willing to be obedient? 

Am I willing to remember, and to walk in the confidence of the knowledge of the depth of His love and commitment to our success? 

I can certainly try. I can certainly pray to that end. 

One thing I have learned... well, one thing I'm improving in is remembering that God has been faithful, and will continue to be. That He wants the best for us. For all of us.

xo

K.