saturation point

The stage at which no more of a substance can be absorbed into a vapor or dissolved into a solution.

I no longer have the ability to take in sadness, stress, or anger without experiencing a physical reaction to it.

That’s not to say I’m so sad, or stressed, or angry (I’m not) … It’s just that I’ve reached my saturation point. I can’t take any more in.

I can see a news story and immediately start crying, filled with grief… sadness that is just simply … overwhelming. Overwhelming in that … it’s more than I am able to FEEL without experiencing physical pain in the process. Grief that comes when you know the individual (or individuals) personally (but, I don’t).

Full on heart break.

I can have an unpleasant interaction that leaves me feeling so upset I have no appetite, my heart is racing, and I can’t sleep. I find myself struggling to shut down the fight or flight reaction with deep breathing exercises, prayer, swimming lap after lap after lap (after lap) hoping that sheer physical exhaustion will eventually override it all.

I hear the story of a widow and feel pain that seems to grip everything inside of me, holding on so tightly it takes my breath.

There is just… no. more. room.

To feel anything… without pain.

So bear with me as I cry over everything you share with me, good or bad…

As I overreact to injustices that I see or experience…

As I stress over seemingly incidental things …

As I journey through the overturning of my apple cart.

If I could control any of it, I would. I’m convinced it’s part of the journey.

Xo
K.