a year

Last night as we were getting ready to fall asleep I realized that today is the 20th. Before I knew what was happening, tears streamed down my cheeks ... A mix of deep sadness, fear, realization and relief I think...?

One year.

I'm so thankful that we are still standing. That we were given another day.

I'm thankful for every yes we've received. And for every no.

I'm thankful for where this has led me in my faith.

I'm thankful for almost 20 years of marriage (next week).

I'm thankful for our youngest son, who lights up our home with his laughter, his smile, and his pure joy.

I'm thankful that our daughter is in a great place, getting great help.

I'm thankful that our oldest son is doing so well and keeps getting better. Miraculous.

I'm thankful for my siblings, their spouses, my Nieces and Nephews, my Cousins, and my entire extended family.

I'm thankful for every one of my friends.

I'm thankful for financial provision (and how you all allowed yourselves to be used in that).

I'm thankful for resources to help us to change our diet and lifestyle (and how you all allowed yourselves to be used in that).

I'm thankful for abundance in food available to purchase.

I'm thankful for a home to prepare it in.

I'm thankful for Ted's job, steady paycheck and insurance coverage.

I'm thankful for accessible medical care.

I'm thankful that it's not a year ago. That we are a year past that horrible day.

I'm thankful for a faith that withstands a yes, and withstands a no. I'm thankful that my relationship with God is not like a vending machine... that my relationship goes beyond only approaching Him when I want something, because that kind of "faith" does not hold up in the day to day. We cannot just go to Him in our wants. No relationship that is worth anything can function like that. We need to walk with Him in ALL of it so we can learn to trust Him. I've said it before - God actually DOES allow us to go through "more than we can bear" ... I'm living proof. You can't trust in His goodness and in His faithfullness if you don't even know Him, and you can't know Him if you only go to Him when you want something.

I'm thankful for the baby, who saved me, born on Christmas Day.

xo
K.