This is a week of anniversaries....
20 Years ago (a couple of days ago) my Mom left this earth. I don't know how it's been 20 years. I do remember the grief of that day, and still today there is an empty place inside of me that just cannot be filled by any human, or any thing, on this earth.
A YEAR ago today, our oldest son got on a plane with my husband, and they headed to Colorado. My husband returned that day, our son stayed in Colorado. If you know us, or follow us, you know the details, or some of them, of this. One year.
I don't know how it's been one year. I don't know how it's been twenty.
But time moves forward. It doesn't stop. And I would argue that often? It doesn't heal.
So, one year.
One year of healing (no, it's not enough), one year of growth (there has absolutely been some of that), one year of separation (we are all breathing easier).
One. Year.
Our oldest is doing better. Maybe not relationally, but, in every other way. The parents he is with "LOVE" what they do (and that is a direct quote). Our oldest is continuing to box, run, read, play piano, and is waiting for the next scheduled baptism so he can get himself dunked.
Our two at home are making their way in THEIR healing.... slowly but surely .... inch by inch.... trusting, growing, and trying to overcome their very traumatizing beginning.
I struggle with guilt, but, honestly? It's never because I actually question whether what we did was right or not - the guilt is because I still struggle with caring about what others think. And I know that people who don't totally understand what happened in our home don't totally understand what is going on right now in our home. And that people who don't understand how traumatizing abuse and neglect is for babies and young children, couldn't POSSIBLY understand how THIS is truly what is best for all three kids.
We have started to write letters back and forth with our oldest and it's good. Silly word, right? "good" But, it is good.
We are getting ready to move, again (the Army is funny that way )..... it's strange, but also? It is good.
It's been a year, and things are .... good. He is good, the twins are good, we are good..... But, most of all.... HE? Is good.
XO
K.
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I have been smiling since about 4:30. It is hard to post about today, because there is so much that happened. Each day our court time was sc...
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We went to the court house today. My Sister E stayed in the car with the twins, so the twins would be "available" for a visit with...
2 comments:
Oh I just love you all. I love that you share. I love that through your sharing, I can be even just a tiny sliver of a piece of your journey. And in my heart, I can hug all of you!
That just made me cry. Your courage, your generosity, and the fact that it took parents like you to allow him to be where he is at now. The sacrifices, but oh, the joy of knowing he is finding his way to The Father who made him, loves him perfectly, and has never forsaken him. Bravo, good and faithful servant! Bravo!!!
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