hope looks funny

I am feeling hopeful this morning...... That's kind of funny. Things are so .... dark right now. Like. We are in the thick of "it". How do I have hope?

I thought back to our third miscarriage...... I remember being relieved when we realized it wasn't ectopic (my second miscarriage was).... I was so thankful it was just a regular, plain old, miscarriage. Hopeful. Thankful. Relieved. And miscarrying our third baby.....

"The light at the end of the tunnel" is an expression most of us have used..... I have used it a lot...... Thinking about that this morning I realized..... So..... that means you're still IN the tunnel then. Right? You're in the tunnel, but..... you can see that there is a light at the end....and it gives you hope....... not sure what that light is really..... just that it's different from the tunnel you're in.....it might be the end of the tunnel...... it might be a light, then, another tunnel. It might be a desert out there......

We are hopeful for that light, but, have no idea what the light is. It might just be different. Not better. Not worse. Just different at the end of the tunnel.

But.

Different is better. It's better than the hell we are in.

I feel like I see a light. But. I know this journey we are on is far from over. Really, really, far. But. If things could change...... just a little bit...... it gives me hope that they will KEEP changing...... and even if it's a long road.... if it could get just a LITTLE bit better along the way......that would be such a relief......

I see a light.

xo
K.