Five years ago

Five years ago today, we met our kids.

This is the first year that I've REALLY felt like "celebrating".......

Looking back I can have emotions raging from hysteria (yes, I was just laughing - out loud - at my naivete)....... to anger..... to joy...... to pain...... to sadness....... all the signs of what we were facing down the road were there...... and I saw none of them. Which. Is good. I would have turned and ran.......

and....

I'm so glad I stayed.

After five years I feel like a Mom.

I feel like the kids are mine.

I love them, deeply..... fully......

I am committed.

None of this happened instantly for me. None of it.

Everything looks better on blogs and facebook. I've tried to be real and transparent, but, even with that, I think things have always looked a lot better than they were/are.

There have been days that I didn't want to get out of bed.

That I wanted to undo everything we had done.

There were days I thought our life was a living hell, and that it'd never get better.

I know there will be hard days ahead. I do. Our journey to healing and wholeness if far from over.

But.

I'M different. I'M changed.

And.

We will finish this race..... and we will be able to say.....

"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith." 2 Timothy 4:7

xo
K.