sacrifice

I have learned that, at least for now, the best thing for our kids is keeping them safely in the bubble of our family..... The result is isolation for me..... No more days at the playground chatting with the moms while tons of kids run and play...... No more meeting at the bowling alley...... Nothing that could shake or wobble my kids.

Because they shake and wobble so easily.

My hope is that this sacrifice..... this isolation from the world ..... will pay off....... Kind of like a front end load investment. It really stinks, and is painful in the beginning...... you end up with a sort of buyer's remorse..... but, then years down the road you're like.... WOW! This is awesome! I'm so glad we did that so many years ago.

Our therapist(s) have given us so many tools. Tools that WORK. So. I'm using them.

Our days are so unpredictable.......

We've pulled our daughter from preschool for the remainder of the year...... Our son (her twin) was all set to go this morning when our daughter slipped into her "mad" and I realized that I may not be able to leave the house with our daughter in tow later in the morning to be able to pick up her twin brother....... So, I asked my husband to take him to work...... which he did. I then texted our oldest's son's teacher to please tell him we would need him to walk straight home (I had planned to pick him up and told him I'd meet him at the door).

Our sons seem to be excelling in the new family environment..... our daughter is fighting the change with everything in her.

My hope (and I have to have hope) is that one day, her shattered heart will be whole again. That she will love, and allow herself to be loved.... that she will heal.

Until then I will try my best to ignore the insults she screams at me on an almost daily basis..... Today I had to walk away, crank the Christian CD I was playing, and start the washer and dryer to block out her words aimed at me.

Thank you to all of you who pray. Without your prayers we would not have hope.

xo
K.