21 days

"They" say it takes 21 days to form a habit.

So.

I've put myself on a 21 day parenting challenge.

I spent some of the weekend reading through our therapy notes, researching, reading, scrolling....... I reminded myself of how I need to parent.

Over the next 21 days I will be going full force, head on, into being the parent God intends for me to be.

"For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." (Ephesians 2:10)

I should give you a glimpse into what our home sometimes looks like.....

Yesterday our daughter was being very fresh to her brother, I calmly, nicely, told her she could go to her room for five minutes to get herself together, then come back out.

That triggered a two hour long rage.

NOT a temper tantrum, those are different.

The rage included things like screaming, grabbing (me), slamming of doors (me once, her many times).... Mostly? Screaming. (I should mention she was not in her room over the course of this period).

Straight up standing, arms straightened and behind her (kind of like she was going to fly) and screaming - at me - as loud as she could.

Two hours. Non stop. I was shocked at her ability to go that long and not collapse.

I didn't yell. I didn't react. (This is part of my challenge, for myself). At one point I looked at her and told her I loved her (while she was screaming)..... she crossed her arms, made her meanest face, and screamed I DON'T WANT YOU TO LOVE ME NOOOOOO!!! I DON'T WANT YOU TO LOVE ME!!!!!

Very telling. That is the root of what we are dealing with.

My daughter does not want me to love her.

Now, don't argue and say "Of course she does, she..... (fill in the blank)" ...... This is part of Reactive Attachment Disorder. THAT is her reality. Of course in her depths she wants and needs to love and be loved. Of course. But. THIS is what we are dealing with presently. Today. The inability to give - or receive - love. Today. (Not forever)

Another part of my challenge. Do not. At any time. Take anything personally. Ever.

(Did I mention I have post its for myself around the house?)

I wasn't sure if I was going to blog about this, but, I think I will, for my own accountability, and also, just to continue to keep things real, and informative......

I do ask one thing..... Please don't leave comments complimenting me, and please don't give me advice. I know that sounds horrible, but, here is my reason.

I don't believe compliments right now. It's something that I'm working through. I am trying to believe I am fully in God's will and where He wants me to be. The compliment would fall on deaf ears.

Advice. My plate is full with what I think I need to be doing here. What works on many, many kids, does not work with mine.

As far as yesterday coming to a close..... we did have closure and resolve..... After my daughter calmed down, she slowly made her way over to me..... I was sitting, listening to worship music, reading my Bible, with a vodka tonic (I was covering all the bases). I offered to sing to her and have her sit in my lap...... When she got on my lap, we both dissolved into tears. It was a moment. Less then four minutes.... But. It was there. Then, like the flip of a switch, the afternoon continued as if nothing ever happened, and day one of my challenge was on it's way to a close.

I joined an online support group for parents of traumatized children. They sign everything they send with these words: "You are not alone!"

None of us are.

xo
K.