16 years ago

Has it really been that long? Sixteen years ago my Mom left this earth. I felt like an orphan. Totally lost. Alone. I remember feeling like I was walking around with a big sign on me that read "I DON'T HAVE A MOTHER." I remember wondering how the world could just continue on. Like nothing had happened. Didn't they know my Mother had died? How could people just keep on living? Sixteen years later things are different. I'm different. I don't miss my mother every day. The lonliness has faded. But. Times like yesterday. I really wish she was here. I've said before that HAD my mother survived her cancer I don't know that my life would be what it is today.... Would I have moved to Boston? Would I have met T? Would we have dated, and married? Life is funny.... who knows what path I would have ended up on. When I think like THAT I of course have no sadness, because I love my life. I love T. I cannot imagine my life without him. IF my life had gone the same course - AND my mom were still alive today.... She would have loved yesterday. Seeing T walk around his new soldiers. A commander. T has waited for this moment. This job. For almost eighteen years. It is a huge deal. And my mom would have been so proud of him. Of us. She would have been beaming. So, on this rainy day... way over here in Asia..... Yeah. Today I miss her. xo K.