fruit

Galatians 5:22-23 New King James Version (NKJV) "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law." We had our last therapy session before our move, yesterday. We have been given so many wonderful tools by both of our therapists.... Simple ( and difficult) concepts really, but, given to us in practical ways. Yesterday all three children drew pictures of our family.... The therapist and I compared the drawings to the drawings they did exactly one year ago..... What a wonderful way to close out this chapter. It seems that our children ARE in fact - attaching. VISIBLY. We are far from there. But. They see T and I in the parent role. A year ago, J and M drew themselves as the biggest, and T and I as the smallest...... Now their parents are nice and big (strong, protective, providers)..... The pictures also revealed just how alone J and M still feel which renewed my determination for reaching out. The pictures revealed what their actions do NOT. That although they are pushing, as hard as they can, away..... That is not what they want. They ARE reaching out....... inside....... they are just too .... weak? scared? unsure? how to actually DO that. Physically. When I listen to myself talking to Ted I realize how much we are ALL still trying to find our way, to do the right thing, to do what we KNOW is better, AND easier, but for some reason..... harder SEEMING...... For example...... NOT reacting to negative behavior...... but over reacting to positive behavior. It actually IS easier to live that way. It's about giving in to that....... It reminds me of forgiveness..... Why is forgivness so difficult? It sets us free, yet, so many of us (me) hold on to that bitterness for dear life. That bitterness that is actually harming us. It makes no sense. As we move forward (literally and figuratively) I am going to try, really, really hard to forgive, move on, live in patience, remembering that the more I love, embrace, forgive, and reach out.... the better we all are..... It keeps boiling down to fear and pride for me...... I need to be less afraid to do this work that The Lord has entrusted to me...... Letting go of my fear will actually make me more confident. It seems simple things are often the most difficult... But, my determination has been renewed. xo K.